Thursday, March 27, 2008

Okay, I was thinking about this last night and it was bothering me. Tuesday night was a rough night, but instead of running to God I ran (once again) to the thing that's not going to help me. But not only is it not the thing that helps me, it's the thing that hurts me. It's not like I flip out to the point that I forget He's there. I know He is, He always is, wherever I run He's there(psalm 139). I don't forget Him, but I choose to run the other way. I can feel His presence and I can almost audibly hear him calling me, but I still refuse to run to Him.

I don't get this. I know He's there and I say I want Him more than anything, so why do I still play the harlot when it comes to these desires? Why do I look to the One I love, then turn and run to the thing I hate? I run to the thing that hurts me and hurts the One I say I love.

None of it makes sense to me. The only thing I've found that has helped some is in Romans. Paul has a rather round-a-bout way of getting to it, but it makes sense.

For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. Oh wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!
Romans 7:15-25
Okay, I'm not trying to pull the whole "the devil made me do it" excuse. But sometimes (more like all the time) we can't stand up to sin. We MUST go to Christ for help. When temptation comes we must go to the higher thing. That higher thing is Christ. I guess it's all part of the retraining process.

No comments: