Got Reality?

I'm sorry...I know it's incredibly corny, but I couldn't resist.
It's truly amazing how something so completely false can make itself seem true. Eating disorders screw with your brain. The lack of protein and fat literally messes with the chemicals in your brain and causes you to not think straight (I've been reading WAY too much) and it takes a while for those chemicals to rebalanced. In the meantime (while you're being forced to eat) you become very uncomfortable. You feel like a cow (and they say this is normal to feel at first)...but it's not true. Okay, well maybe it's not true, but real enough to be. And because it feels real we tend to start living as though it were real....and so the cycle continues

At youth group we've been talking about the apostle Paul. Last night we wrapped up the series and one of the things we talked about was; after looking at Paul's life, what one thing would did we want to take from his life and apply to ours. God used that question as a confirmation to what He had already been trying to tell me. Paul had messed up over his life time and after he gave his life to Christ things weren't easy for him. He got the crap beat out of him regularly, he spent a lot of time in prison and things just didn't go his way most of the time, but though all of that he made God his reality. God was always more real to him that his circumstances. That's why he could praise God from prison, that's why he could forgive people on the spot for trying to kill him. His circumstances and the people around him were counted as nothing compared to God. And I think that's what God is trying to teach me right now. It's like He's saying: let me be more real to you than what you're going through. Let Me be your reality, not your food, and not your weight, not your calorie intake. Me.

Okay, it sounds great on paper, but how do I get there? I'm still working on that part. Refocusing on God is harder than ever right now, but I know that if I could just get there I'd be much better off.

It's kind of like what I was telling one of my friends earlier. I've always been the good kid, the obedient kid, the strong kid. And I'm tired. I'm sick of being strong and I'm sick of fighting, but I'm too scared right now to let God totally take over and fight for me.

So, right now I feel torn between what I know is true and the lie that looks real. If anyone has any ideas on how to get to the truth, I'm open. For now I'm staying in God's word, sticking with the meal plan and just trying to wait it out.