I've been trying to let God be my reality and I'm trying to let go and let Him take care of me. It's not working too well yet, but I am starting to notice a little bit of a difference. Now, it's like there are times when it seems like I can almost audibly hear Him calling me and I almost obey, but usually at the last minute I freak out and run saying, "No God, not yet. This is mine. I don't want it, but You can't have it yet." It's starting to get better...sometimes anyways.
I think one reason I'm so hesitant is that I've got it in my head that if I were to actually eat right and do everything I'm supposed to be doing that it would somehow make me weak. Weak as in I didn't have the self-control to stop myself from eating. Which is still dumb because right now I don't have the self-control to make myself eat....my parents have to do it for me.
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