Last post...

I'm leaving this blog alone now (it's only been forever since I wrote anything on here anyways)...all bad history now - Praise God! I'llstill be posting at http://dancingdawn.wordpress.com from here on out.

It's been a long first half of the semester and it's taken me almost all that time to figure out what went wrong...and it's still coming, but the fog is finally starting to clear a little.


In all the busy-ness of life it's so easy to forget the "why". But the "why" is such a fundamental part in this crazy event known as life. I mean really. When it's all said and done...why does it matter. What does it matter...really. I get up, I do school, I go to dance I come home, I sleep. It's frustrating. I've been feeling as though I have been contruibuting nothing of value to society. I've been stressed and frustrated and more than I should be. Things are hectic, but not as bad as they feel. And I know it.


I've unintentionally dissconnected myself from God too. In all the hubub, my devotions (the time that's supposed to glorify God, strengthen our relationship, prepare me for the day and refresh me) have tunred into another part of my hectic routine. Heh...that doesn't cut it.

Anyways. This reallization has been the first step in getting back into the swing of things. I haven't been working as unto the Lord and I haven't been seeing these challenges as opportunities to serve and glorify God. I've been looking at them as hassles and impediments to what I want to do. I've been trying to plan too far ahead and not letting God open and close the right doors.

Prov 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths

2cor 12:9And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.


Col 3:23 -24 And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ

A cool quote

"I will tell you this thing about myself to encourage you. My sole hope for heaven lies in the full atonement made upon Calvary’s cross for the ungodly. On that I firmly rely. I have not the shadow of a hope anywhere else. You are in the same condition as I am; for we neither of us have anything of our own worth as a ground of trust. Let us join hands and stand together at the foot of the cross, and trust our souls once for all to Him who shed His blood for the guilty. We will be saved by one and the same Saviour. If you perish trusting Him, I must perish too. What can I do more to prove my own confidence in the gospel which I set before you?" - Charles Spurgen

Ahh....I a SO out of the habit of writing, so I'm just going to write SOMETHING to help the juices to start flowing again....

I learned so much on my trip it's nuts, but if I write it all out one more time, I may lose my mind, so I'm not going to do that. It was amazing, and blessed and relaxing and just plain cool...and we'll leave it at that.

One thing I do want to explore spend some time on is the importance of Strength and Grace. That is one of the motos of the Royal Ballet company and God really impressed that on me while i was there. Those to two weeks were so hard and so grueling physically and emotionally. It really forced me to rely on the Lord for all my strength (including simply getting up in the morning).There were many days where my alarm would go off and I'd lay there telling myself; "No...I can't do it....I can't drag myself through 6 hours of dance today." But then I'd be reminded of a wonderful verse in Isaiah 52 that says "Awake, awake! Put on your strength o Zion, put on your beautiful garments o Jerusalem..." This passage was really talking about the restoration of Israel and how they no longer had to deal with ungodly nations invading their land. It's a little out of context, but it really helped.

"He gives power to the weak, And to those who have no might He increases strength." Isaiah 40:29

"And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13

In addition to strength, He taught me about grace. It's important to be able to resist attack and be durable. It's important to be a vessel for His power...however, we're not meant to be bulls in China shops either. It's a competitive world out there and you have to be thick skinned, or else you'll give up. If the girls aren't awful (which they weren't...they were awesome actually), then the teachers are playing favorites and the so are the directors. You have to learn to just roll with the punches and always present yourself to the best of your ability. You have to be competitive. But you don't need to run people over to get to the front line and you don't have to put glass in some one's pointe shoes....it's just not right. A wise director I work for always says "God is our promoter". And that's exactly right. We had to put ourselves out to be seen, but God makes those opportunities...we simply have to take advantage of them. You have to be gracious about it. Strength and Grace. An unlikely, but dynamic pair.

In looking up the word grace I found some synonyms that really explained to me what it meant to be gracious. They were words like, pleasant, precious, well favored, helpful, and merciful.

"A gracious woman retains honor, But ruthless men retain riches. The merciful man does good for his own soul, But he who is cruel troubles his own flesh." Proverbs 11:16-17

"Good understanding gains favor, But the way of the unfaithful is hard." Proverbs 13:15

"The words of a wise man's mouth are gracious,But the lips of a fool shall swallow him up" Ecclesiastes 10:12

James 4

"Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up." James 4:7-10

I love this entire chapter in the book of James...in fact, the entire book of James is absolutely amazing. James has just finished giving the church a rather harsh rebuke. He had just told them that they were an adulterous people and their actions were essentially those of unbelievers. Like most of us at one time or another, they'd really blown it. But like any good teacher would do, he gives them (and us) practical ways for ending this spiritual affair.

1 Draw near to God - This simple act of returning to Him is the first and action we must take. Spending time with Him in His word and prayer. It's not as hard as it may seem because there is promise attached to that command - "and He will draw near to you.". Like the father of the prodigal son, He runs to meet us with open arms.

2 Wash your hands - Now that the turning point has been made, it's time to remove the things that have defiled our lives. This isn't just the ceremonial, skin deep washing that makes us feel better (or at least not as bad). This is repentance. The physical act of turning from an action or the thing that is putting up an barrier between us and God. The thing that is making us impure. "Who may ascend into the hill of the Lord? Or who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, Who has not lifted up his soul to an idol, Nor sworn deceitfully." Psalm 24:3-4

3 Purify you hearts - This is sort of like the washing your hands part...but more along the lines of the spiritual life. Having the behavior under control for the moment is all fine and good, but if the heart isn't right with God, it doesn't matter. "Blessed [are] the pure in heart, For they shall see God. " Matt 5:8

4 Grieve, mourn and wail - I heard someone say the other day that, regardless of the natural amount of emotion you are naturally prone to exhibit, if the sight of your sin before God hasn't broken you to tears and sorrow, you probably haven't actually repented. Now, I don't want to pass judgement on anyone, but I agree with this person. I've seen it in my own life. When the point finally came when I realized my sin and received just a small taste of what our sin does to our Lord, I was so filled with sorrow. It was beyond just being sorry. It was a repentant brokenness.

5 Change - turn your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Repentance requires a change in both thought and action. By the grace of God, by the time we get to this point, we are not only willing, but are eager to change. We realize that nothing good dwells in us apart from Christ. If our desire is to glorify Him, then we must change.

6 Humble yourselves - Not a personal favorite of mine. It's so hard to get there, much less stay there, but when we do (even for a little while), it's the most amazing place in the world to be. To take our proper place before God. To bow before Him in total submission to His good and perfect will. There is only peace and rest in that place.

What a mind blowing week. God is so cool. I don't know where to begin, so I'll just start. Okay. So, I've been having a hard time with bitterness lately. I think I let go, but I just take them right back and get all angry again. It's not been fun. I know it's sin, and I've been trying to lay it down, but finding that I'm only making marginal progress at best. One night last week I finally got alone with God and really sought Him about this bitterness. It's been putting a block up between me and Him that I could nearly physically feel, but couldn't seem to get passed. I was fed up.


Next day, I re-read an email I'd received from and very wise woman God put into my life through a bible study I'm doing. It hit me between the eyes and all the sudden it made sense. It's another attack. Satan found another weakness and decided to exploit it. I was distracted because I was busy on "re-building" the physical part of the temple I neglected to keep my guard in other areas. I should be about my Father's business, but I've been too caught up in my own frustrations to do that.


Once this all came crashing in there was such an initial release it was amazing. There's still plenty of work to be done, but at least the process has been started now. I am already beginning to see a difference in how I'm looking at those situations. Some of them are still pretty hurtful, but there's less anger.

Character of the New Man

Character of the New Man
Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. Colossians 3:12-17

God has taught me so much through the book of Colossians lately. He lead me across this scripture after revealing to me that I still have some unfinished business with Him in some areas that I thought were pretty much under control. Bitter roots run deep and the only way to get rid of them is by calling on the mater gardener to pull them up and replace them.

As harsh as it may sound, bitterness, like anything else that goes against God's heart, is sin. It causes us to make our own judgments about people and situations. It doesn't allow God to be sovereign. Thankfully the Lord has been convicting me about this lately and has really been helping me. These verses in Colossians have really helped me and given me a practical guideline for actions to take against this root of bitterness. I really believe that He has much yet to teach me here and I'm looking forward to it and being free from this vice.

Not anything...but Christ

Not Philosophy but Christ
Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ. For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power. Colossians 2:8-10

Not Legalism but Christ
And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses, having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross. Having disarmed principalities and powers, He made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them in it. Colossians 2:13-15

Not Carnality but Chirist
If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.
Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them. Colossians 3:1-7

In Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are complete in Him. He has taken the law out of the way, having nailed it to the cross. Having disarmed the principalities and powers, He made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them. Therefore, set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

This is something I think we miss so often. We choose so many things other than Christ...sometimes they're things we believe are good. Sometimes it's pain. Sometimes it's sin. In any event, we get so caught up in the "stuff" that we miss the one person that will help us.

It comes down to a choice. The stuff...or Christ. You have to choose who you will serve. I didn't choose to act one way or another. I myself am utterly powerless to control myself. The only thing I can do is choose who I serve. For example, I don't choose to indulge in destructive eating habits or not. I don't choose to be bitter or not. I choose to either serve that spirit of bitterness or destructive eating or God. I had to make the choice as to who I would serve. I am purposing my choices to allow Him to make me His. To sanctify me and call me His own. The only place I can make that choice however is at the Cross.

We miss so much about the Cross of Christ. We talk about it causally in passing, but we so often miss the full impact of it. Life is hard. Everyone has crap. Life, most of the time, sucks for most people. Life is confusing. Life is complicated. Life is oppressive. Life is just heavy. The only place where life isn't any of those things is at the foot of the Cross. When we choose to sit at the Cross our load is lightened, things become clear, we are not only given life, but we are given a full life. A life of superior quality. Only by our Lord's grace is this possible and it is a free gift yes. But we must choose to accept it, we must choose to spend time with Him, we must choose to sit at the Cross, we must choose to purpose our day to this end...that we would know Him and He would be glorified in us. If those things don't happen the cry of the heart will never be satisfied. It will always be left wanting, confused and heavy. Our hope is in Him, but we must place our hope in Him for that to become manifest in our flesh.

A Blessing

God is funny. For instance, when I went to the doctor the first time (two and a half weeks ago), he said I'd be out for four weeks. I obviously wasn't too excited, but I knew it was coming. I gave over to the Lord, I knew He would prepare me for London in two weeks if that was my only option, so I said; "okay". I swam, ate good and enjoyed my rest. I really wanted to dance, but my only option was to make the best of it and trust God...so I did.

Okay, last Thursday I went back to the doctor to look at xrays. He said very little about my ankle, he had other concerns, but nothing that can't be taken care of good shoes and orthotics. He told be to keep doing my exercises and the ankle will improve (so far that's held true), but he also said that I was allowed to go back to dance whenever I felt ready. That made my week. I gave it until yesterday. I went to the studio and just did a nice easy barre. No pain :) Now, it doesn't feel normal...it's not totally better, but it didn't hurt and it doesn't hurt today either. I'm going to take it slow and be smart...there's a lot riding on these next few weeks. I knew He would prepare me, but I never expected this.

Just about the time I let God have control was when, He gave me the gift of returning early. I was blessed this week. His is the glory.

Psalm 32

Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
Whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity,
And in whose spirit there is no deceit.
When I kept silent, my bones grew old
Through my groaning all the day long.
For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;
My vitality was turned into the drought of summer.
Selah
I acknowledged my sin to You,
And my iniquity I have not hidden.
I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,"
And You forgave the iniquity of my sin.
Selah
For this cause everyone who is godly shall pray to You
In a time when You may be found;
Surely in a flood of great waters
They shall not come near him.
You are my hiding place;
You shall preserve me from trouble;
You shall surround me with songs of deliverance.
Selah
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will guide you with My eye.
Do not be like the horse or like the mule,
Which have no understanding,
Which must be harnessed with bit and bridle,
Else they will not come near you. Many sorrows shall be to the wicked;
But he who trusts in the Lord, mercy shall surround him.
Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, you righteous;
And shout for joy, all you upright in heart.

Distractions bombard us when we pray. It seems, for me at least, that when I sit alone to pray is when I get the most distracted. My mind wonders so much. Sometimes it's easier to "get alone with God" when I'm in a noisy, crowded place, than when I'm alone in my room. It's easier to block the external distractions, than it is the distractions of my own wondering mind. I don't understand this. It seems like it should be the other way...

Chamber (of course) has something helpful to say about this
After we have entered our secret place and shut the door, the most difficult thing to do is to pray we cannot get our minds into working order and the first things that conflicts is wandering thoughts....we have to discipline our minds and concentrate on willful prayer...a secret silence means to shut the doors deliberately on emotions and remember God...pray to your Father in secret and every public thing will be stamped with the presence of God.

Shutting the door on emotions...what a hard thing to do. But it makes sense. Have you ever tried communicated with someone when you're on the verge of hysteria? It doesn't work well does it? You finnish feeling no better (if not worse) and the other person can't help you because you are so incoherent. I've played the guilty party here many times. "God I need your help because I'm freaking out...but I'm not going to let myself rest in you....I'm going to keep freaking out, but I want You to fix it." He can't help us if we won't let Him. Sometimes you have to just STOP. Breathe. Close the door and talk to God. By the time you re-enter the world your emotions will have learned their proper place in this relationship. You'll leave that conversation with a peace there that will probably surprise you as it has surprised me many times.

Reflected peace is the proof that you are right with God because you are at liberty to turn your mind to Him. If you are not right with God, you can never turn your mind anywhere but on yourself.

See that you do not refuse Him who speaks. Hebrews 12:25
How many of us have done that? I again have played the guilty party many, many times. It goes along with leaving an open door to your emotions when talking to God. They like to have their say so when they need to sit in submission.

Just to end any possible confusion on this point....I'm not saying emotions are bad...God gave them to us. They have a place, but I don't believe that their place is in prayer. In that setting they can distract us from communing with our Lord.

Coolness

Okay....just one more God thing. After over a year of amenorrhea, it finally came back. On it's own. No drugs, no therapy or what not. Simply by learning to eat in a way that's glorifying to God again and making my way back to a normal weight. This is such a relief and one more confirmation that my body is starting to function the way it's supposed to again.

I almost feel like that woman in Matthew 9:20...but...the other way around. Just to be able to get a touch of His love and compassion is enough to turn things around (even if I still make them go up and down occasionally :), change actions and heal. So amazing.

Sanctification and rest

Rest....not my thing. I've always liked being active. I've never been one to play high contact sports, but I like to move and I like to work hard. I don't like being knocked off my feet for any length of time, but that seems to be just what happened. An old chronic ankle injury flared up again and I'm out for four weeks. When I was out before it didn't do me much good. I was relatively pain free for a while, but the problem wasn't over use. The problem was that I'm not walking right. So now I'm out of dance, doing some stretches at home and trying to make the best of it. Pilates and swimming are good options to help me sort of stay strong and flexible, but I already miss being in the studio. What could God be doing here? Well...the last few months He has really seared into my heart the desire to delight in Him and glorify Him. I think now, He wants me to trust Him and rest. I have always been the one to go go go go and not come up for air until I'm so overwhelmed I'm about to lose my mind. I think He also wants me to trust His timing. I wanted to take this time to get really good and strong before I went to London...I didn't plan to only have two weeks of prep time. I have to trust Him that He will get me ready...and I do. I know He will.

The big thing for me here is rest. I can't stand it for any extended period of time. What was funny was yesterday almost everything that came up in my devotions was about rest....go figure.
In Hebrews 4, the author spends an entire chapter on rest. God rested on the Sabbath, not because He was tired, but because that completed the creation. It completed it, set it apart, sanctified it. To quote (you guessed it...) Chambers, he says; "We have been talking a great deal about sanctification-what is it going to amount to. It should work out into rest in God which means oneness with God, a oneness which will make us not only blameless in His sight, but a deep joy to Him. "

Resting is not done after the work, it completes the work. Resting requires us to take the time to spend with our Lord. We have to set apart or sanctify our time to Him. Rest involves obedience.

There remains therefore a rest for the people of God. For he who has entered His rest has himself also ceased from his works as God did from His. Let us therefore be diligent to enter that rest, lest anyone fall according to the same example of disobedience. Hebrews 4:9-11

Decisions, decisions, decisions....

We come to an impasse...we desire to go forward...we want a stronger relationship with God, but things just feel like they're slipping, or at the very best not moving forward....which is really moving backwards. We've heard it all, we've got the head knowledge, we know the right answers, but are they our answers? Or are they simply the answers we've learned to repeat because someone told us they were right? At some point it comes down to obedience and application...and all application really is is obedience. You have to make your own decision about what you're going to do with what you know. Do you let it sit on the wall of you mind like a rusting tool? Or do you use it and bring God the glory He deserves? "I know this word of His is true in my life, but I'm not ready to obey, I'm not strong enough to obey." you will never be ready and you will never be strong enough. The Lord knows I wasn't. But I could beg. And beg I did. As I begged I saw that I had a choice....keep my knowledge and let it rot...or let His word be alive and active in me. It didn't happen by osmosis. I had to choose to obey. Oswald Chambers put it very well when he said that "we are not given overcoming life, but we are given life as we overcome."

The physical manifestations of outward readiness for an event (growing up for example) or healing ought to be there, but they can also be counterfeited and put on as a facade. The outward achievements don't help if the heart is not right and at home with God. The outside will break down...we can't keep it up on our own.

Change and readiness come from daily seeking God through His word and prayer and walking in obedience. I have seen in my own life that this is the only way we will ever a) learn God's will for our lives, b) heal from the chains we've bound ourselves in whether it be lust, bitterness, fear, etc. and c) grow in our walk with the Lord.

These are two things that have really spoken to me about seeking God, healing, and obeying:

Therefore we must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest we drift away. For if the word spoken through angels proved steadfast, and every transgression and disobedience received a just reward, how shall we escape if we neglect so great a salvation, which at the first began to be spoken by the Lord, and was confirmed to us by those who heard Him, God also bearing witness both with signs and wonders, with various miracles, and gifts of the Holy Spirit, according to His own will? Hebrews 2:1-4

We must never allow anything to injure our relationship with God; if it does get injured we must take time and get it put right. The main thing about Christianity is not the work we do, but the relationship we maintain and the atmosphere produced by that relationship. That is all God asks us to look after, and it is the one thing that is being continually assailed. My Utmost for His Highest-August 4th

Don't stop there

"When an unclean spirit goes out of a man, he goes through dry places, seeking rest, and finds none. Then he says, 'I will return to the house from which I came.' And when he comes, he finds it empty, swept , and put in order.Then he goes and takes with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter an dwell there; and the last state of that man is worse than the first. So shall it be with this wicked generation." Matthew 12: 43-45

The first problem in the story is the word "empty". I could be totally off on this, but it seems to me that even though the demon left, the man in the story was not sanctified. It's all fine and good that we escape our demons and set the "house" of our souls in order, but if you don't fill it...something else will. As God delivers us from whatever bondage we've fallen into we MUST set ourselves apart for the Lord and is purposes. I mean think about it "when he comes, he finds is empty, swept and put in order", a perfect place to come back to...unless it is no longer open to him and has been set apart and consecrated to a new owner.

When I was reading about sanctification there were two words that seemed to occur together often. These words were sanctification and clean...so I looked them up. Sanctification means to set apart for sacred use, to consecrate, to make holy and to purify. It seems possible that we can be "set in order" or "fixed", but not "clean" or "pure". As long as we are "empty" we won't stay fixed. There's no one to keep us from falling into disrepair.

Clean...this was my favorite. Clean means to be not infected, to be sharply defined or clear-cut, to be devoid of encumbrances, to be thorough and complete. I'm gonna break this down a little.
To me clean means...
To not be infected by the lusts and lies that are thrown my way
To be sharply defined as a daughter of the most high God and clear cut in what she believes
To be devoid of the encumbrances of the past and the weight of the struggles I am fighting now
To be complete and whole in God's grace

So, once our house is put in order...don't stop there, don't leave it empty. Fill it with the Lord and walk in hope.

"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. " 1 Peter 5:8
"For if after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the latter is worse for them than the beginning." 2 Peter 2:20

Times

This somg is off of Tenth Avenue North's new CD Over and Underneath....wow

TIMES
MIKE DONEHEY
I know I need You
I need to love You
I’d love to see You but it’s been so long
I long to feel You
I feel this need for You
I need to hear You
Is that so wrong?
Now You pull me near You
When we’re close I fear You
Still I’m afraid to tell you all that I’ve done
Are You done forgiving?
Can You look past my pretending?
I’m so tired of defending what I’ve
become
What have I become?
But I hear You say
My love is over
It’s underneath
It’s inside
It’s in between
The times you doubt me
And when you can’t feel
The times that you question
Is this for real?
The times that you’re broken
The times that you mend
The times you hate me
The times that you bend
My love is over
It’s underneath
It’s inside
It’s in between
The times that you’re healing
And when your heart breaks
The times that you feel like you’ve fallen from
grace
The times that you’re hurting
The times that you heal
The times you go hungry and are tempted
to steal
In times of confusion
In chaos and pain
I’m there in your sorrow under the weight of
your shame
I’m there in your heart-ache
I’m there through the storm
My love I will keep you by my power alone
I don’t care where you’ve fallen or where
you have been
I’ll never forsake you
My love never ends
It never ends

Here I am

Here I am, once more amazed,

just passed the fear and past the pain;

sitting at the feet of You who sees no more my sin.

My scarlet letter hung all around,

my feet unsteady, my heart was drowned.

My hope was faint, my light was dim,

my strength was gone, and love was thin.

Occasionally I would glance Your way and with a languished cry I’d say,

“I see You there, but Your way is hard. Your call is heard, but my will is strong.”

So after a pathetic plea for aid, I’d run again so far away.

With angry tears I cried and wept, for I was trapped in my adored prison.

So there I laid for many days, trapped in this place my lust had made,

wondering when all hope would fade and the ache and frustration would only remain.

As I sat in this pitiful state I heard the voice I heard many a day;

nothing imposing, nothing too forceful,

but so deep and severe that it cut like a knife.

It was Your summon, gentle and strong,

calling me back to the place I belong.

And as I looked up, I did think it strange,

that in all of my filth You found me again.

You lifted me up and carried me home,

In You strong arms, my heart was made whole.

You broke off the chains that bound me so tight

and allowed me a chance to re-route my life.

You showed me a new path,

Gave me a new song,

Taught me the dance meant for me all along.

I will not wait for those lovers less wild,

who promise me all, but leave me wanting for the very thing they claim to give.

For all this and more my heart is now Yours,

All love and all passion and all glory for You.

Here I am, once more amazed,

just passed the fear and past the pain;

sitting at the feet of You who sees no more my sin.

Taking thoughts captive

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled. 2 cor 10:3-6
There is SO much wisdom in these verses. Whether we are dealing with sin or just the daily distractions of life, this concept is an essential part of a working relationship with God.
Our bodies are (for obvious reasons) physical beings. We have skin, muscles, bones, organs etc. We use them to work, play, study...whatever. We also use tools and we know from experience that certain tools have certain uses and when we use them correctly things go smoothly. However, when we take those tools out of their intended use...things don't work. If there is something I have learned these last months is that I cannot fight a spiritual battle with physical weapons. I have tried and failed miserably.
There are tools for spiritual warfare (the armor of God Ephesians 6:11-18) and those are the tools we have to use in order to fight these spiritual battles. What are these weapons good for? They're good for "for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled."
Imagine that...tearing down strongholds...I know we all have strongholds somewhere in our lives. This has rang true in my personal experiences. These strongholds become like a vice that will choke the life right out of you have the Sword of the Spirit, the word of God, to beat it off with. There is something interesting about these strongholds. They make the claim that the are stronger, fiercer and more all consuming than anything else...they exalt themselves up against the most high. What brings down these things that exalt themselves? Again, our sword.

The next thing is to bring these thoughts into captivity. Not only bringing them into captivity, but acting accordingly. In Philippians 4:8-9 Paul tells the Philippians to think on the the things that are true, noble, just, pure, etc. But he doesn't stop there. In verse 9 he exhorts them to think about the good things, but to also act upon them. It doesn't do any good to know them if you're not living by them. Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do [it], to him it is sin. James 4:17
I'm not going to pretend for a moment that this act of captivating thoughts is instantaneous, or easy, or fun. It's none of those. Learning, in God's grace,to take my thoughts captive and bring them under the authority of Christ has been the scariest, most difficult and most painful thing I've ever done. Parts of your old flesh and desires die and death never feels good. However, it has also been one of the best things that could have happened to my relationship with Christ.
Captivating my thoughts under the authority of Christ is the only thing that has started that change in my thinking. The unwholesome thoughts still try to creep in sometimes, but now I am learning to stop them at the door of my heart, bring them to my Lord to let Him decide on them, then deal with them in obedience to His word.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2

These are just some verses and Utmost entries that went along very well with mt last post...
1 Peter 1:13-15: Therefor, gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation on Jesus Christ; as obedient Children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in you ignorance.

1 Peter 5:6-11: Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.

From My Utmost for His Highest April 19 - 1 kings 2:28
We are apt to say - "It is not in the least likely that having been through the supreme crisis, I
shall turn now to the things of the world." Do not forecast where the temptation will come, it is the least likely thing that is the peril. In the aftermath of a great spiritual transaction the "retired sphere of the leasts" begins to tell; it is not dominant, but remember it is there, and if you are not warned, it will trip you up. You have remained true to God under great and intense trials, now beware of the undercurrent. Do not be morbidly introspective, looking forward with dread, but keep alert; keep your memory bright before God. Unguarded strength is double weakness because that is where the "retired sphere of the leasts" saps. The Bible characters fell on their strong points, never on their weak ones. "Kept by the power of God" - that is the only safety.

REPENTANCE
"For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation." 2 Corinthians 7:10

Conviction of sin is best portrayed in the words -
"My sins, my sins, my Saviour,How sad on Thee they fall."

Conviction of sin is one of the rarest things that ever strikes a man. It is the threshold of an understanding of God. Jesus Christ said that when the Holy Spirit came He would convict of sin, and when the Holy Spirit rouses a man's conscience and brings him into the presence of God, it is not his relationship with men that bothers him, but his relationship with God - "against Thee, Thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in Thy sight." The marvels of conviction of sin, forgiveness, and holiness are so interwoven that it is only the forgiven man who is the holy man, he proves he is forgiven by being the opposite to what he was, by God's grace. Repentance always brings a man to this point: I have sinned. The surest sign that God is at work is when a man says that and means it. Anything less than this is remorse for having made blunders, the reflex action of disgust at himself.
The entrance into the Kingdom is through the panging pains of repentance crashing into a man's respectable goodness; then the Holy Ghost, Who produces these agonies, begins the formation of the Son of God in the life. The new life will manifest itself in conscious repentance and unconscious holiness, never the other way about. The bedrock of Christianity is repentance. Strictly speaking, a man cannot repent when he chooses; repentance is a gift of God. The old Puritans used to pray for "the gift of tears." If ever you cease to know the virtue of repentance, you are in darkness. Examine yourself and see if you have forgotten how to be sorry.

A dependant spirit and an independant flesh

My Bible study hit me right between the eyes today. It's disgusting how, as things start to get better, I start to become so independent. It's like I start to take credit for the fact that things have gotten better. As if I could possibly have ANYTHING to do with the fact that I'm beginning to walk in freedom from these sinful eating habits. The very idea is completely asinine. Did I forget that only a few short weeks ago I was entirely helpless in my condition and if my savior hadn't stepped in and plucked me from the mire of habitual sin that I would still be there? How in the world did I allow myself to consider that? Now, I'm not saying that I thought out any of this. I didn't go "okay, now that God has done all this, I'm going to take some credit for myself." It just sort of creeped in. My spirit wants nothing more than total dependence and surrender to God, but my flesh is wayward in it's very nature. It desires independence and glory. Essentially, it's pride. And it always comes before a fall.

So, what to I do now in order to put God back in His rightful place? I seek His voice. Nothing in my flesh can survive the power of His voice. If I obey the voice of God, my flesh (desires, lusts, whatever) will die, but if I don't...eventually my spirit crumble.

It's only by His grace that I am learning to walk in freedom and who am I to take credit for something only He can do?


"Beware that you do not forget the LORD your God by not keeping His commandments, His judgments, and His statutes which I command you today, "lest--when you have eaten and are full, and have built beautiful houses and dwell in them; "and when your herds and your flocks multiply, and your silver and your gold are multiplied, and all that you have is multiplied; when your heart is lifted up, and you forget the LORD your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage." Deut 8:11-14